Throwback Thursday: Analyzing the numbers

You can ignore this post if you don't want to read another angry post dripping with angst and anxiety about the scale.  I wish I was a numbers person, because maybe it would help me figure what is happening on the scale.  As Carl Sagan said: "You have to know the past to understand the future."

Since I began this BLE journey in January, I've tracked my weight everyday on a spread sheet.  This first block of numbers represents 13 days in February where my weight loss stalled. I had finished the 14 Day challenge, and was trying to navigate BLE without the vlog entries and other support available on the website. 🠊

🠈That streak was followed by a streak of 6 consecutive days of losses. I don't have an explanation for why these days were successful other than I was following the line almost perfectly.

🠈But now, I'm in the throes of a 12 day span of weird fluctuations that started with an inexplicable gain of 1.6 lbs.  I honestly don't know why I gained that weight overnight. I weighed myself at the same time of day, and it wasn't around the time of my cycle, which is my usual excuse. I was able to get rid of those pounds in 2 days, but then gained another 1.2 lbs overnight.   This gain, however, isn't one that I can honestly say is "inexplicable," because it was the morning after I ate my birthday cake, but I've been following my lines ever since, and as you can see, I kept going up.  I'm frustrated because a week ago, I was down 11.7 lbs total, but as of this morning, I'm only down a total of 10.5 lbs.

I don't really know what else to write. I'm hoping that the scale starts moving in the right direction, and soon.  I also hope that by reviewing these numbers, I can figure out the pattern. I'm continuing to do what I need to do on this program. I know the number shouldn't matter, but it does. Maybe the stress and anxiety from coronavirus is affecting my weight loss.

Taco'bout it Tuesday: Perfect Timing

You know how sometimes you see or read something at the exact moment when you need to see or read it?  I think it's called kismet... well that happened for me recently in my BLE journey.

Since completing the 14 day challenge a few weeks ago, I've been debating about whether to dive in even further to BLE world and do the Boot Camp program which I believe is 8 weeks long and costs a bit of money that I'm not really looking to spend at the moment.  Despite some weight fluctuations that I've documented in previous posts, I've continued to do well with the program, not perfectly perfect, but well.

In the FB group, people have mentioned the term "rezoom," but I couldn't find any information about what that means, until now.  Rezoom simply means resume, as in start again, and it's premised on the idea that things go well until they don't.  I felt kind of dumb when I figured this out, but in my head I was putting the emphasis on the zoom, as in "zoom around a track."  When you say the word rezoom outloud (instead of silently in your head) it makes sense that it means "resume"... it just took me a minute to catch on...

Anyway, because I've really embraced the concepts of BLE, I started looking for strategies to prevent the inevitable loss of momentum or relapse before it happens.  This Blog itself is a snapshot of what happens in my real life.  I go all gang busters on a program or an idea, and then something happens, as SPT says "life gets lifey," and I fall off the wagon or I an excuse (like I have with VIP) that it's just not sustainable.  What I'm trying to find is a way to prevent that from happening.

What I found are SPT's Vlog entries about the "Reboot Rezoom" program.  The graph above shows what happens in the average person's weight loss journey, according to SPT, and it resonated with me.  The red peak/valley line demonstrates that over time, like my own experience, people are successful with weight loss, they hit some sort of peak, then slide back down before having to start over, and this happens again and again for many people. SPT suggests that before you hit the peak, you need to figure out what causes a slide and take immediate action to correct it before you dip down into the "danger zone."  The danger zone is different for everyone, and based on what SPT talked about in the Vlog I watched, I suspect a slide into the danger zone for me would look like me not stepping on the scale, procrastinating or avoiding the habits in my bullet journal, pulling back from posting or talking about this journey, and making excuses that allow me to blur the lines more frequently and to a great degree.

SPT says that what she hopes for those of us following BLE is a journey that looks more like the blue sine wave on the graph above.  We need to raise the bar a bit higher, establish a bit of a cushion for those periods of time where we're not perfectly following the bright lines, so that when the slide inevitably begins, which it does for everyone, you can catch it before you fall into the danger zone where the potential for obliterating all of the previous success exists.

The strategy offered for rezoom-ing is called the FAS system, which stands for Food, Actions, and Support. These are the 3 areas to focus on to keep the sine wave smooth and the cushion comfortably above the danger zone.

For the food strategy, SPT reminds us that we need to take immediate corrective action if we find ourselves failing to prepare and plan.  The quote I wrote down from this part of the entry is "you've already failed if you're leaving your house and you don't know what you're going to eat for the day."  In my world, it's the equivalent of saying drunk driving is a choice, the choice to not drink and drive is made when you leave your keys and your car at home.  You've already made a bad choice about drinking and driving if you drive to the party/restaurant/event where you know there will be alcohol served and you plan to drink.  Planning and preparing ahead of time is an essential part of BLE, and if you don't take care of that part, then you're planning and preparing to fail, it's as simple as that.

As for the actions strategy, I think I've done myself a real service with my BLE bullet journal, especially the habit tracking chart.  It is a real-time visual of how I'm doing on a day to day basis with all of the BLE components, including committing, meditating, meal planning, weighing myself, etc.  As you can see below, I started a slide last week right after my birthday. I just kind of let things go for a few days by not planning ahead, not recording the habits, and blurring the lines somewhat dramatically (see my previous post about cake.) I'm not even near my goal weight, and I still let things slide, which is disappointing to me, but not unexpected given my history. I've been doing this for more than 50 days now, and generally speaking I've been more successful than not.  That said, I need to stop this slide now.  Fortunately, I still managed to have a "down" week on the scale.  Not by much, but at least it didn't go up. In some ways, I think it's good that this slide happened now, because it has reinforced for me how important the daily check-in with myself is for this process.  If I keep this tracking up, I'll be able to keep moving the sine wave up above the danger zone. Now I know that if I start getting lazy with the journaling and recording, it's the sign of the beginning of a slide.

Finally, according to SPT the most effective way to assess where you are on the sine wave is by how you use your support network.  Finding and developing a support network is critically important for success,  but it is underused by most people.  Many people, myself included, begin isolating or hiding when the fear of the slide starts taking hold or when panic about failing sets in.  It's at that point where you need the support the most, but if you haven't cultivated that support before the slide begins, then it's not there when you need it most, and it's even harder to reach out for the support you need. SPT says you need to invest in these support relationships when things are going well, in her words, "connect before the crash." For me, I guess one way I've tried to cultivate support is through writing this blog and sending it out for others to read.  When I stop writing and sending these posts, that might be a sign that I need support and maybe I'm entering a slide.  Honestly, I'm not sure how I can sustain writing 3 or 4 entries a week because I don't always have something interesting to write about, but I can try to continue to check in with my meal plan on Mondays and "taco'bout it" Tuesday entries.

So, friends, I'm relying on you for support.  If you see that I'm not posting or briefly checking in, feel free to give me a nudge, I'll appreciate it more than you know.  In return, tell me how I can help you with something you need help with, I'd be thrilled to "help!" 💖

They let me eat cake...

Yesterday was my birthday, and I wasn't going to eat any sweet treats. My co-workers helped me celebrate by bringing in fruit for me to eat during our celebratory luncheon.  Someone also brought in Bundt-inis from Nothing Bundt Cake because, "I'm not going to let your diet ruin my fun!"  I was good, I didn't have a little bundt cake, I ate the fruit and enjoyed it, but all afternoon I couldn't stop craving cake.

Last evening, we went out for a birthday dinner, and my husband encouraged me to order wine with dinner, "C'mon it's your birthday." But again, I was good, and I abstained.

We had a coupon from Coldstone Creamery for a free cake, so my husband ordered a cake for my birthday. It was "super tricked out," he said, with all sorts of mix-ins from brownie bits, Kit Kat bar pieces, and caramel swirls, and covered with a decadent looking chocolate ganache.  This, I couldn't resist. All of my inner voices, the saboteur, the food controller, the food indulger, and the isolator (I'll explain those in another post) all compelled me to have a piece of cake, "just this one time."  So, I did, and I felt guilty about it, immediately after!  I'm not even sure I enjoyed it, sure it tasted good, but I didn't enjoy it, and it left me with a heavy feeling in my stomach.

This morning I knew the scale was going to be bad, and it was... up 1.2 lbs from yesterday.  I'm not sure what else to say.  I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, why should I feel guilty about having cake on my birthday?  On the other, I shouldn't have caved, I know better, I knew this would happen. And now the weekend is upon me, a time when I always seem to struggle to maintain my weight for a few days let alone lose any.

Taco'bout it Tuesday: More "goal talk" featuring a milestone!

I've written about my goals here and here, and today I'm happy to report that I've reached my first significant milestone concerning my weight. I'm officially 10 pounds lighter!  Or, as they say in BLE world, I've released 10 pounds!  It took awhile, 38 days to be exact, but that's fine.  I'm posting this entry on day 44 because I wanted to make sure that the number on the scale wasn't a fluke, and given my recent fluctuations, I didn't want to brag about a 10 lb weight loss too soon. And, it's a good thing I chose to wait because as predicted, I went as low as 11.7 lbs lost, but then the number crept back up again slightly.  As of posting this entry today, I'm 11.1 lbs down!

I feel like releasing the weight slowly will serve me better in the long run. When I did VIP in 2015-16, I lost 23.5 lbs in 42 days and then another 15 lbs after doing a second 42 day round of VIP, but the weight came back on relatively quickly as soon as I stopped following the program.  With BLE, over the last 44 days, I've established a new way of eating, a new way of thinking about food and my relationship with it, a new lifestyle, if you will.  Unlike VIP where I ate the same thing everyday for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with BLE there's quite a bit more flexibility and variety from meal to meal and day to day.

Losing 10 pounds is just the beginning for me.  I'll be honest, it was a bit of a surprise the first morning last week when I hit the 10 lb marker because I had lost 1 lb two days in a row which hadn't happened in several weeks. I also thought I'd feel a lot happier about releasing 10 lbs, but I was more shocked than happy at first.  I think part of it is that my weight loss hasn't really been noticeable to others.  Though I've been posting these entries and have been public about trying to lose weight, I haven't really talked about it much outside of this blog, and no one has really noticed, which is fine, but I think that's why I'm not as excited about this milestone as I would have expected.  Also, I have a ways to go to get to my goal, so maybe it's better that I'm not overly excited, I'm motivated to keep going.

It's embarrassing to admit, but I'm still considered "overweight" on the BMI scale, which is probably one reason people haven't noticed or are reluctant to say anything, I'm still too heavy, and I still don't want to be in any pictures (Right?!?! Rosemary!).  I started with a BMI just shy of the obese range.  I've subtracted almost 2 full points from my BMI, but I still have 2.12 points to go to get into the normal range, which equates to about 13 lbs more to lose.  So, that's my next goal, to get my BMI down into the normal range.  If it took me 38 days to lose 10 lbs, I imagine it will take at least 48 days to get my BMI down to 25 which is the high end of normal. 💖

I've talked a lot about my goals, tell me yours.  What goal(s) are you working toward this year - health, weight or otherwise?

Meal Plan Monday: This job [was] making me fat edition

This post is not entirely timely, but better late than never as they say.

Fat Tuesday was last week, and around these parts that means it was paczki day!  Paczki (pronounced
"poonch - ki") are Polish pastries, essentially a deep fried, glazed donut filled with a sweet filling like jelly or custard.  Someone brought several dozen to our building, ostensibly enough for everyone. Above is the box that made it to the conference room where my office is located.  I think there were 12 to begin with, I love how someone ate half of one!  LOL! The average custard filled paczki packs 425 calories and 25 g of fat, so no wonder someone elected to have half... my guess, however, is that person had a whole one and then half of another.

I've never really been tempted by paczkis or donuts for that matter. Growing up I remember these as only being filled with jelly, and I don't like jelly filled donuts so it was easy to say no.  Maybe that was just a ploy my mother used to keep from buying them.  "You won't like them, girls, they're filled with jelly." Today bakeries sell them with all sorts of crazy fillings, like cannoli cream or pistachio custard, but when they're sitting in the bakery box, you can't tell what's inside without cutting into it. So I tell myself that I'd get the one with jelly in it, and that keeps me from eating one.  Too bad that doesn't work with a box of chocolates where I'm afraid to pick the one with cherry nougat... there, it's easy to spit it out and move onto another one. It doesn't work the same with paczki or donuts. 💖

Did you celebrate Fat Tuesday?  What did you eat?

Throwback Thursday: Goal revisited

If this entry sounds familiar it's because it mistakenly published before I finished editing it... I took it down, and now I'm re-posting for real.

I recently posted about my struggle to figure out my goal weight for this process.  I mentioned in that post how Susan Thompson refers to living in a “right sized body,” but I'm not sure exactly what that means for me.  After I published that post, I stumbled upon SPT’s video blog entry entitled “Goal Body” from December of 2018.  In it, she talks about abandoning the weight number as a goal, and focusing on what you want your body to be able to do. Thinking about a “goal body” also ties in with my previous post about why I’m even doing this. 

My main reason for trying to get my eating and weight under control is to see if it will make a difference with my back pain.  For the past eleven (11) months, I have been dealing with almost debilitating back pain. I say “almost” because it has been much better since I had a rhizotomy in December.  I can manage to get through each day, and I’m still able to work, but I feel like I have the body of 65 year old with the amount of aches and pains I deal with daily. I’ve been doing yoga classes 3 or 4 times a week, and I have a short yoga/meditation routine that I do each morning right after I get out of bed. Doing Yoga has helped, but I’m still in quite a bit of pain all day, every day.

I’m certain my doctor recommend that I lose weight in response to hearing me complain about my back.  There are plenty of articles like this one correlating weight loss with back pain reduction. Since I'm having trouble with the scale, I thought I would document some "goal body" ideas. 

As I mentioned, to be pain free is my number one goal. That goal seems lofty at this point, so maybe I should dial that back to seeing an overall reduction in pain, but that won't be satisfying. Along with the pain free goal, my second stated goal is to be able to walk for 30 minutes straight without pain.  If I ever reach that goal, I'll raise the bar to something else in a similar category.  My third goal is to improve my yoga practice and get back to doing Vinyasa classes on the regular. 

The fourth goal I have takes a little more to explain. In essence, I want to get to a point where I feel proud and confident with my body, regardless of what number shows up on the scale.  SPT talks about being a "good representation of yourself."  For me, that means looking as good as I feel about myself. Reading that aloud, makes me sound, I don't know... egotistical? In my role as a prosecuting attorney, I deal with so many different kinds of people, and I think outwardly I present myself as pretty well put-together and somewhat confident in my abilities. It's taken a LONG time to get to this point, but I finally like myself.  I am not perfect, in fact I know there are plenty of people who don't like me or my personality... I have a short fuse, I can be tenacious, and I've been referred to as pit bull in court on more than one occasion (I take it as a compliment regardless of how it is intended). I also can't stand defense attorneys whiners, beggars or people who won't take no for an answer. In short, I'm fine with who I am, and I don't care anymore if everyone likes me because I know not everyone does or will like me no matter what I say or do. What I'd like is to feel about my body the way I feel about myself.

I think I have the opposite of a bad body image.  You know how some people who are thin, look in the mirror and see only their flaws? I think it's called body dysmorphia.  I don't think I have that per se but sometimes the image I have of myself in brain is much better than the one I see reflected in the mirror or especially in photographs. Sometimes I'll see a picture of myself and think: "That's what I look like?!  No, way!  I'm prettier than that or I can't possibly be that fat!"  And that's what I'm hoping to change, I don't want to look in the mirror or at photographs and think "Eww, Ick!" 💖

Taco'bout it Tuesday: Bullet Journal update

Previously I shared with you my bullet journals.  Now that I've been doing BLE for more than a month, I thought I'd share an update.

Below is the habit tracker portion of my BLE journal for the first 25 days. As I said above, I'm well over 30 days into this program, but I had to start a new page as of day 26, so I'm just sharing these first 25 days. I'll share the next page once I reach 50 days!

By way of explanation, the entries down the left hand side come from BLE's nightly check list.  I actually track "commit" through "weight" in the morning, and then rate my hunger and cravings scales after my last meal and check off whether I've posted or been successful before bed.

What does each one mean?  Glad you asked:

Commit: Every morning while I meditate, I make a promise to myself to follow the bright lines as best as I can.

Meal plan: Though I do a weekly meal plan on Sundays, I assess daily whether I've actually followed through (or a reasonable facsimile) as best as I can before checking this habit in the tracker.

Mediate: I mediate first thing every morning for 15 minutes. It's become a ritual I love and hate to miss. As you can see, I didn't miss one morning in the first 25 days.  I incorporate yoga and other stretching exercises as well.  I started doing the stretching out of necessity last summer so I could get out bed each morning with my bad back, but now it is truly an essential part of my morning routine.

Sleep: I give myself credit in the sleep column if I've gotten at least 7.5 hours of sleep.

Weight: The scale is still not my friend because it only moves in small ounces.  As long as that movement is in the down direction, then I don't have too much room for complaint.  On those days when the scale has inexplicably gone up an ounce or two or stayed the same, I do get frustrated and think, "what would the scale say if I wasn't following BLE?!"  It's frustrating, but I remind myself that I feel better and my clothes fit better and hopefully the scale will eventually cooperate.  I've convinced myself that I need the daily accountability of weighing every morning.  I'm concerned that if I switch to a weekly weigh in, then I won't be as diligent on a daily basis with not blurring my lines.

Hunger scale:  This number is on a scale of 1 to 5 assessing how hungry I get between meals. Hunger hasn't really been an issue, the spacing between meals and amount of food that is permitted is satiating.  I'm considering adding a fasting component to this regimen which is also permitted under the BLE program. I don't eat anything after dinner which is typically over by 6:15, and I don't eat breakfast again until 6:30 am, so there's 12 hours of fasting anyway.  Some days I'll stretch that first meal until 8 am, after I get to work.  I could physically stretch the fasting window longer and eat only between the hours of 11 - 6 for a 17/7 fasting/eating schedule, but most days it's not conducive to eat while I'm at work at 11 am and then again at 2 pm.  I'm still tweaking this part of BLE and will update.

Cravings scale: This number is also on a scale of 1 to 5.  Mostly my "cravings" are sugar cravings, specifically chocolate. I haven't really been tempted by bread, pasta or cookies, though those items are still in my pantry, but chocolate is definitely a vice.  It's not reflected above, but I allowed myself literally two small bites of dark chocolate on days 28 and 29.  I'm not beating myself up over those slips, since I started this, I've successfully abstained from temptations such as wedding cake, bundt cakes, Valentine's chocolates, chocolate covered strawberries, Girl Scout cookies, pasta, crackers, wine, and whole host of other items that I love but no longer eat, so allowing myself 2 small bites of dark chocolate is not going to send me on a downward spiral of overeating sugar and flour.

Post: I give myself credit for posting if I write a blog entry or if I post a comment on the BLE Facebook page.

SUCCESS 😊: Means that I kept my commitment to follow my bright lines.  As with any measure of success, there's always room for improvement, so though I've given myself credit for being successful every day since I started this program, even though there have been days when I haven't been 100% perfect.  As I mentioned above, I allowed myself 2 bites of chocolate on 2 different days, but I still gave myself credit for "SUCCESS 😊"  those days because my success on those days far outweighed the small deviations, and importantly those small bites of chocolate didn't send me on a downward spiral of eating too much chocolate.  Another example is that I don't weigh every ounce of food I put in my mouth.  Yes, weighing my food is a bright line, and yes, I'm blurring it, but after awhile, because I eat mostly the same things everyday, it is a bit tedious.  So, when I eat something new or different, of course I weigh or measure it, but I don't weigh or measure every item, every meal, every day. 💖

Have you started a bullet journal?  I've shown you mine, now show me yours!

Weekend round up featuring more scale talk

Piggybacking on my post last week about the trouble I'm having with the scale, I have to report mixed reviews from this weekend.  On Friday morning, I decided to take a break from the scale, just for the weekend. In the days leading up to that decision, I'd managed to lose a very unimpressive 0.2 lbs.  Yes, you read that right.... 0.2 lbs.  Hence, my decision to take a break.

The weekend was slated to be another busy one (I need to consult a thesaurus for a different word), and I knew going in, it would be, so I decided to just see what would happen if I gave myself permission to blur the lines a little, not to go crazy by cramming girl scout cookies and ice cream in my mouth, but to just be a little lax.  For example, on Friday night, we had a celebratory dinner at a local chophouse, and I allowed myself one glass of sparkling wine. My main meal was BLE compliant, and I didn't have any of the banana pudding that my family ordered, so as I said, not crazy, but still blurred.  I went to a slow flow yoga class Saturday morning and did my meal planning and grocery shopping Saturday afternoon. Saturday evening we went out with a group of friends to see an 80's cover band and had dinner beforehand.  On previous occasions seeing this particular band, I've over-indulged, to say the least, so I made a commitment to myself that I would not drink and then volunteered to be the designated driver for the night to fasten my resolve. At dinner, I ate more than I probably should have and part of my meal was not BLE compliant, but not awfully so.  After dancing the night away, the group wanted to stop for Coney Dogs on the way home.  Though the chili cheese fries and onion rings that were brought to the table smelled delicious, I held strong.  If I had been drinking, for sure I would have eaten a whole plate of chili cheese fries myself, but being stone cold sober, I didn't have any.

Sunday morning I went with some friends to tour the servants' area of a home on the national historic register, Meadow Brook Hall.  It was a quaint tour that I've been wanting to take since I first learned about it a few years ago.  It ended with tea and scones. Though scones are way off the BLE path, I allowed myself to eat a whole scone, and I didn't let myself feel guilty about it.

This post wouldn't be complete if I didn't mention that we also rescued a pup Sunday afternoon, Arya Maize.  This information has nothing to do with the scale or being BLE compliant, but it is definitely blog worthy.  She's a sweet girl who is settling in pretty well.  Having nothing to compare her to, I'd say her introduction to our 2 cats has gone well. Arya just wants to play, and the cats don't know what to make of the situation.  Their world has been turned upside down for the moment. We've created a "safe space" for them in the den.  It's a place where they can get in and out, but Arya can't.  We moved their litter boxes and food and water and some toys in there, but I'm not convinced Shadow remembers that from one minute to the next.  I know this will be a process, but I'm hopeful after a short adjustment period, it will be all good.

So, all of the above brings me to this morning's weigh-in. Honestly, it was almost as hard for me to step on the scale this morning as it was to do it that first time 35 days ago.  I didn't know what to expect. I was hoping for it to be down, I would  have been ok if it remained the same from the last time I weighed in (Thursday), but I would have been devastated if it showed an increase. Ok, devastated is a strong word, but I would have been really upset over a significant increase.  With all of that trepidation and anxiety, I almost talked myself out of weighing in, but after my morning meditation and commitment, I headed straight to the scale... it showed a 0.8 difference from last Thursday, in the correct downward direction.  To say I was relieved is an understatement. This means I only had a 0.4 loss for the week, but given the frustration and fluctuation from last week, I'll take it.

With that behind me, I need to figure out how to move forward.  I'm not ready to spend money on the BLE BootCamp, but I do miss SPT's morning video message.  I could sign up for another 2 week challenge where I'd regain access to all of the other resources that are available in the BLE world.

I know there are 2 areas where I can improve my bright lines, so I'm going to redouble my efforts.  In BLE world it's called re-zooming.  It's that information about re-zooming that I can't access without joining the boot camp or doing another 14 day challenge.  I've seen people post on the FB page that they re-zoom every Monday, but I don't know exactly what it means.  I know what I think it means, but I'm not certain. 

While I contemplate what to do next, I'm going to make those 2 improvements to see if it makes a difference this week: 1) I will start weighing my food again.  I'm not convinced that this is what's keeping the scale from moving, but it is a bright line that I've been blurring.  I eat the same foods for breakfast and lunch most days. I measure my breakfast museli, and for lunch I eat one apple with peanut butter, veggies and either chicken or turkey and cheese.  I weigh my protein (chicken, turkey etc.) on a food scale, so I don't think I'm overeating, but I guess it won't hurt to double check my amounts. 2) I know I need to drink more water. Drinking water is not a specific bright line in this program.  From the comments on the FB page, it appears most people drink a minimum of 64 oz while others drink half their body weight in ounces.  I'm going to start shooting for 64 oz each day to see if that makes a difference on the scale.

Now it's your turn, tell me what you do when you're trying to lose weight and you have to re-commit yourself to the task! 💖

Meal Plan Monday: Pea-nut But-ter, mmmmmm....

I found another product I thought I'd share.  This time it's peanut butter.  The more I learn about my food habits, the more I'm beginning to realize I have certain "triggers"  (I hate that word, but it does fit), and one of them is peanut butter.  Once I start eating peanut butter, I can't stop... I'm the same way with chocolate.  Most peanut butter is packed with sugar, so I had not been eating it. But I decided to look for a brand that doesn't add sugar, and to my surprise there are plenty of options. I tried one (I won't mention the brand), but it wasn't very good. Even though it said it was "no stir" it was really pasty and chalky.  Then I found this organic one by Santa Cruz. Sugar isn't listed as ingredient, only roasted peanuts and palm oil.  It has no added sugar, only that which is naturally found in peanuts! It is so good and so creamy.  

It's amazing to me that when you eat a food that you've always eaten but remove the added sugar, how good the natural flavor of that food is.  Why did manufacturers start adding sugar to peanut butter (and other products like spaghetti sauce, ketchup, etc) in the first place? Don't answer that... I've read the books.  Anyway, peanut butter is still a trigger for me, and at 17 g of fat per 2 Tbsp, I need to make sure I only eat 1/2 a serving, but at least I can get my PB fix. 💖

How about you?  Do you have any favorite "no sugar added" brands?  I'd love to check them out! Comment below. 

Again, disclaimer alert: this is not a paid endorsement. I simply found this product on the shelf, tried it, and liked it.

Taco'bout it Tuesday: Does the scale lie?

I'm writing this post on the heels of publishing my previous post about "right sizing" my body.  I'm not going to hit publish on this post yet, because I want it to marinate for a week or so and see if anything changes.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop stressing about the number I see on the scale each morning.  For seven straight days while I was doing the BLE 14 day challenge, the number went down or stayed exactly the same, to the decimal point.  For the seven days after I finished the 14dc here's what happened:


day 1) up 0.6
day 2) up 0.4
day 3) down 0.8
day 4) down 0.2
day 5) up 0.8
day 6) down 1.0
day 7) down 0.8

This represents a mere one pound loss in the last 7 days. I swear on all that is good and holy that I have not been blurring my bright lines: no sugar, no flour, no snacking between meals, and eating only what I have planned. I was hoping to average a 2 lb loss each week, which seems a little low, but I'm trying to manage expectations, so 1 pound in 7 days is.... frustrating, pathetic, not worth it, disappointing, all of the above.

I've been reading all sorts of articles about what might be happening physiologically, but none of it is satisfying.  Everything I read tells me to keep at it, the weight loss will come.  The articles urge that even though the weight isn't changing, I'm probably losing body fat, which is the goal, but there's no easy way for me to assess that right now, other than weighing myself.

These same articles encourage readers who are frustrated with the scale to assess weight loss using different bench marks, for example taking measurements or progress photos or assessing progress at the gym. Given my back issues, I can't really use the gym bench mark, but I have noticed that I can hold a plank longer and stronger than before at Yoga, so there's that.  I've never been a fan of taking measurements, it seems like a tedious task, but I think I have to try it.  Tomorrow morning I'm going to measure each of my thighs (top and bottom), hips, waist and chest, and I'll commit to doing that once a week. Hopefully I'll see some progress there if the scale still isn't moving.

On a final note... I will sign off with a bit of positivity:  Though I've been frustrated with the fluctuation on the scale, I will say that some of my pants are fitting better.  I slid into a pair of pants this morning that late last year I couldn't button, so for now, I will take that non-scale victory. 💖

Meal Plan Monday: New breakfast meal

I haven't finished my meal plan for the week yet, but I wanted to share a new product I found for breakfast.  Most mornings I've been eating Quaker Overnight Oats which come prepackaged in a cute little individualized container that makes transporting it easy, but the grocery store was out of the only flavor that doesn't have added sugar.   While contemplating my options in the cereal aisle, I found this Museli product.  One of the suggested uses was to "soak overnight with milk or yogurt."  Perfect! It is so yummy and satisfying! I add strawberries to the mix and finish the meal with a clementine. Yes, there is "sugar" listed on the nutrition label, but it's not added sugar, it's naturally occurring sugar.  There is no sugar listed in the ingredients list, so it passes the bright line eating test!  Bonus: less waste, too! If you find some in a store near you, give it a try.  If you do, let me know if you like it. 💖

 


*** I don't know if I need to add the following disclaimer, but I'd rather be safe than sorry:  this is not a paid endorsement.  I literally found this product on my own, decided to try it, and liked it. ***

Friday Feature: Weekend Plans

I'll start with a round up from last weekend's festivities.  I ended up maintaining my same weight from Friday morning's weigh in until Monday morning, so I think overall I'm satisfied with that. It's better than last week's weekend gain. Though it's a bit frustrating not see the scale go down after abstaining from sweet treats and alcohol while many people around me are partaking; I have to keep reminding myself that I'm much better off health-wise.

I only made it to Yoga one time this weekend on Sunday morning because our Saturday was pretty packed.  We met a rescue pup on Saturday morning.  Fingers-crossed that we will get to bring her home next week. She's finishing up being treated for heartworm disease, so we're praying that she does well and can be adopted by us!

My book club dinner on Saturday night turned out really good, if I do say so myself.  I made keto-friendly chicken cordon bleu.  It was "keto-friendly" in that I substituted Flax seed meal for the bread crumbs, but no one missed the bread crumbs at all! I have to find some other recipes where I can use the flax seed.

This weekend's plans include dinner tonight at our club for Valentine's Day, and then we have a wedding in AA on Saturday night. We're spending the night and will have brunch with the newlyweds and their family on Sunday morning. The rest of Sunday should be low key.  The kids don't have school on Monday... don't tell my boss, but I might take that day off, too.

Hope you all have a healthy weekend. Let me know what you're doing. 💖

Throwback Thursday: Goal Revisited

Whoops... I didn't mean for the previous entry that was posted to post, yet.  Stay tuned!  Sorry!💖

Taco'bout it Tuesday: The Non-Smoker mentality

Something that Susan Thompson said in one of her videos that I watched recently resonated with me. She was talking about the mentality of someone who doesn't eat sugar and flour any longer, and she compared that mentality to someone who is a non-smoker.  When a non-smoker is offered a cigarette, the non-smoker replies, "No thank you, I don't smoke." She suggests that when someone offers me sugar or flour (or I'm otherwise tempted by those things), my response should be similar to the non-smoker's response: "No thank you, I don't eat sugar" or "No thank you, I don't eat flour."

I am a non-smoker, in fact when I fill out forms at doctors' offices, I check the "never smoker" box, and SPT is right, if I'm offered a cigarette or around people who are smoking, I'm not tempted to smoke in the least.  But, when it comes to being offered sugar or flour based items, my response has been along the lines of, "No thanks, I can't have that."  SPT even talks about this "can't have" response and encourages us to think about what that response really means.  She suggests that saying "I can't have that" really isn't a commitment to this way of eating, it's a temporary state of mind.  What you're really saying, without actually using the words is, "I can't have that right now," which leaves the door open to the possibility that you'll have [whatever it is] later or at another time. The word "can't" suggests that for this limited time you're not eating or doing something, but you will return to eating or doing it later.  Changing your mentality to the more definite or firm, "I don't" sets the tone for future temptations.  Taking the non-smoker analogy a bit further, if you tell someone, "I don't smoke," that person is less likely to offer you a cigarette again because they know, by your first response that you don't partake, and that you're not tempted by the allure of smoking or taking a drag, it doesn't affect you or your senses.

These days I think it's easy to be a non-smoker or a never-smoker because there is so much literature and research and data on smoking and how terrible it is for you.  In my small circle of close friends, I can't think of one person or their spouse who smokes.  I think maybe a similar body of work or societal transformation is happening with sugar and flour.  Everywhere I look, I read about how bad sugar and flour is for our bodies, not just in this BLE space, but in general. I don't think there's as much data and research as there is around smoking, but it appears to be growing.

I'm not sure when I'll get to the point of saying with consistent conviction, "I don't eat sugar or flour," but I've been practicing. At birthday brunch the weekend before last, there were sweet treats all over the table just waiting for me to take a bite, and I wasn't tempted.  I probably wasn't tempted because I had been talking about BLE and losing weight and not eating sugar or flour and having to laboriously pick off the candied pecans from my salad even though I specifically asked to have them left off. In the face of all of that and with people watching me, I wasn't going to turn around and take a bite of any of the decadent looking cakes or pies. I was able to live and abide by the "I don't eat that" mantra. 💖

Meal Plan Monday week of Feb. 10

Trying out a new format for meal planning.  This form was shared by a kind soul on the BLE Facebook page.  Again, a lot of repetition in the meals, but I'm still getting the hang of how much of what I can eat. There's always some tweaking as the week goes on, but this plan gives me a head start on grocery shopping. 💖

Friday Feature: Weekend Plans

If I continue to write these weekend plan posts, I know I will sound like a broken record when I write about how busy our weekend will be. I also think it might be helpful in my journey to review how the previous weekend went. So, I’ll start with a recap first. In general, I thought I did pretty well following my eating plan and sticking to my bright lines, but of course there were speed bumps along the way. The first bump was at dinner on Saturday night where I ended up being starving. I thought I had spaced out my earlier meals correctly so I wouldn’t end up that way, but the pre-dinner fellowship with friends took way longer than I expected. By the time we sat down to dinner, I could barely control myself when the bread plate was delivered.  I was in control for a bit, repeating my mantras, but the longer we waited for the waiter to come around and take our meal orders, I just couldn’t resist a few small bites of lavash, not the worst choice, but then I also made an impulse order of “shrimp bisque” without really thinking about the ingredients, it just sounded good, and my willpower stores were so depleted at that point.  I regretted my order as soon as the waiter moved on, but I didn’t cancel it.  When the soup came, it didn’t live up to my expectations, so after a few bites, I set it aside, but the damage was done… the rest of dinner was fine, I ordered the salmon and spinach dish that I had picked out ahead of time, I drank sparkling water the entire evening, and said no to dessert.

Sunday brunch was a disappointing experience, but not necessarily related to my food choice.  The restaurant decided at the last minute not to serve its brunch menu, only its dinner menu.  Not what we were looking for at 11:00 am on a Sunday.  I spent some time talking to whomever would listen about my bright lines.  Though there were lots of desserts floating around the table, I easily resisted them. 

I also did well at our Super Bowl party.  The items I made were all BLE friendly. For the most part I only ate one time and avoided grazing for the entire night, but despite what SPT says about “every action is preceded by a thought,” I’m not sure that’s entirely true.  I found myself popping food into my mouth without thinking about it first.  It was an automatic reaction to seeing the food set out on the counter. I didn’t have time to or the ability to stop myself by reciting a mantra.  I guess on some level, subconscious or conscious, I had a thought first, but it didn’t last long enough for me to process it and prevent myself from popping it into my mouth.  Now that I’m aware of this “automatic” response to food, I will work on it.

I started off here by writing that I “thought” I did well, and what I mean by that is that I didn’t have any sugar, didn’t drink any alcohol, and only had a few bites of flour.  I also crossed the time frame bright line by grazing a bit, but none of these were egregious, in my opinion, yet the scale tells a different story, despite how well I think I did, the scale shows that I gained 1.1 lbs.  In the scheme of things, I know this isn’t catastrophic, and that my weight will always fluctuate a bit, but after 7 straight days of loss, seeing the scale tick up was disappointing.  I can’t help but wonder how would I be feeling if I had really gone off the rails?

This weekend kicks off with dinner with friends at a new restaurant in our hometown on Friday night. Saturday we are hoping to rescue a new pup (more on that later), and that night we’re hosting book club couples dinner where I’m serving BLE friendly chicken cordon bleu.  As of now, there’s nothing on the calendar for Sunday, so I’m hoping to catch up on some reading. I’m falling behind in my PopSugar  and ATY Reading Challenges (more on that later, too!)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Let me know what you’re up to in the comments.

Resolution Reflection: Dry January

I don't remember when I decided to attempt "Dry January." It was something I had been thinking about since January of 2019 when a few friends told me they were doing it, but when January 1, 2020 rolled around we were still on vacation, and I didn't feel obligated or ready to start.  But then, a friend of mine shocked me by confessing to having spent several weeks in rehab last summer, and I began to wonder if I could give up alcohol as my friend had done.

I officially declared the start of my "Dry January" on January 6, one month ago today.  I didn't discover Bright Lines Eating until my doctor recommended the program to me on January 17, and as you will read, it was a happy coincidence that "no alcohol" is a bright line.

In the past month, I've found myself in social situations where other people were drinking alcohol 10 times.  I can honestly assess that I only felt tempted to join them one time.  It was at dinner with friends before a Red Wings game on January 18, and my husband was raving about the red wine he selected for his dinner. When he invited me to take a sip, I took hold of the offered glass with every intention of taking a small "communion style" sip simply to taste it and assess whether it was as good as my husband said it was. But something stopped me.  It wasn't my resolution to be "dry" for the month of January.  To my way of thinking, a small sip of wine would not have been a violation of "Dry January."

Earlier that afternoon I had downloaded Susan Thompson's book Bright Line Eating, the Science of Living HAPPY, THIN and FREE.  I hadn't finished reading the book by that evening, but I had read enough to be aware of the 4 bright lines and what they meant.  The bright line rules are what stopped me from taking the sip of wine.  Taking that sip would have crossed two bright lines; no alcohol means no alcohol, and no bites, licks or tastes means no bites, licks or tastes. I've mentioned a few times in these posts that what I like about this program is the fact that it caters to a rule-follower like me.  So far, this program has helped me re-frame the way I think about eating and drinking. It helps to know that "this" food is a yes, and "that" food is a no.  There is no gray area. Does it have sugar in it? Don't eat it. Does it have flour in it? Ignore it.  Is it lunch time? Go ahead and eat.  Did you already eat lunch?  If yes, then don't eat again until dinner. Is it after dinner?  If yes, then don't eat again until breakfast.

People have asked me if I'm going to continue not drinking alcohol forever.  I can't really answer that question.  To parrot Susan Thompson, I am committed to this BLE program today, and I'm committed to re-commit to the program each day, and with that commitment comes the no alcohol bright line.  That's all I can say for now.  I will say, I don't miss drinking alcohol.  I haven't craved it or had any desire or need to have a drink.  In social situations, I've replaced the alcohol with sparkling water, and I haven't felt like I've missed out on any fun.

So, I guess "Dry January" was a success.  I do wonder if I would have been successful if I hadn't been introduced to BLE mid-way through the exercise.  Without BLE, I probably would have taken that sip of wine on January 18, and it's likely that I would have enjoyed that sip and then poured myself "just one glass, to have with my dinner."  And, assuming I stopped there, by my old way of thinking, I wouldn't have considered that a real violation of my resolution. Who knows, allowing myself that glass may have led to even further sabotage of my resolution.  I'll never know.

Did you make any resolutions this year?  How are you doing?

From "super-sized" to "right-sized"

I've been struggling with what my final goal weight should be. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about that and continue to set mini-goals, but I am still obsessing about this issue.  I know I need to lose a lot of weight, but how much?  Susan Thompson talks about how this BLE program helps you find your "right-size" body, and I've interpreted that to mean helping you get down to a goal weight.  But I don't know what that number should be. Right now I identify as "super-sized," not right-sized at all.

I know that Body Mass Index ("BMI") is one way to help find an ideal weight, but BMI is mostly a number used to assess body fat which helps doctors assess a person's risk for other deadly diseases.  When I started BLE a few weeks ago, my BMI was flirting with the obese label on the chart below. Yes that's embarrassing to write and admit. I've lowered my BMI by more than 2 points, but it's still not in the normal range, yet.

When you plug in the weight that corresponds to the 18.5-24.9 BMI normal range for a 5'2" person like me, there's a differential of 35 pounds, which means my BMI would be considered normal anywhere from 101-136 lbs.  That's a huge range, right?!? Which leads me to my dilemma.

It is completely unrealistic for me to set a goal weight of 101 lbs, it just is. This program isn't just about getting to a goal weight, it's about maintaining it, too.  To think that I could maintain a weight of 101 lbs is just silly, in my opinion. At the other end of the spectrum, a goal weight of 136 lbs, while completely attainable, still does not seem "right-sized" to me. I've been lower than 136 lbs within the last 5 years, and I still didn't feel right in my body. I've even been as low as 125 lbs within the last 5 years, and while I felt thin, it didn't feel "right" either.  So that leaves me with a goal weight "range" of 102-124 lbs. I guess, if I split the difference, my goal weight should be 113 lbs, but I'm superstitious, so that isn't a good number for me...

As I said above, I probably shouldn't obsess about the end number at this point because it's still so far away I can't even see it in the distance.   I should focus on the bright lines, each and every day, and be content with the small victories and triumphs that I'm earning every day.

Do you obsess about the number on your scale? Do you feel "right-sized?"

Taco’bout it Tuesday: Bullet Journaling

Earlier in this most recent blog reboot, I promised a peek at my bullet journal.  Let me state that I am far from the expert on this subject.  I’ve dabbled off and on with journaling this way since June of 2016, but my journal is probably the most simplistic and least creative version of a bullet journal that you’ll ever see.  Some people are so dang creative! You can go here for an inspiring example. 

The parts of my journal that I am the most consistent with are the monthly log of appointments, to do items, recording a daily gratitude, and daily habit tracking. Here’s a page from October 2019.  As you can see it was a busy month!

When I started BLE, I dedicated a new journal to use for this endeavor. I’m not sure why I did that, I regret it because now I have two journals to carry around instead of one.

One of the first recommendations that Susan Thompson made in a video message I received early on is to record progress on a calendar by marking a big “X” at the end of each day.  I’ve taken that a step further by using the daily habit tracker aspect of bullet journaling to track the major components of the BLE program: 

I should add no sugar, no flour, no alcohol, and no snacking as line items, but I decided those are encapsulated in “success 🙂!” Here’s how my habit tracker looks after 14 days of this program.

Pretty darn good! My other journal doesn't look nearly this complete!

By comparison, below is my habit tracker from November of 2019.  In this bullet journal, I track more personal habits.  It looks like I gave up on life after Nov. 17, but then made a feeble attempt to finish the month strong. And, you’ll notice, one habit, which was titled “organize something,” wasn’t even attempted once during the entire month! LOL!

A bullet journal is very personal and can be set up in any way that suits its user.  My personal journal has pages set up for books I want to read, books I’ve read, a permanent vacation list, people I want to connect with, organizing tasks, thoughts and musings, blog post ideas, party planning lists, etc. the possibilities are endless.

My BLE journal is quite a bit simpler.  It’s where I’m keeping my meal plans, a permanent shopping list, my weight log and graph, an emergency action plan, and as discussed, my habit tracker. There’s plenty of room to grow, and I can add pages and topics as I progress on this journey.

Now it’s your turn. Show me your bullet journal. If you don’t have one, what habits would you track?

The First Sign of Change?

While I've only been following the BLE program for two weeks, I actually gave up alcohol, and to a certain extent sugar, in the beginning of January.  I began following the no sugar rule in earnest after I started read the BLE book.  "Dry January" was something that I had been hearing about from friends and reading about online for the last few years.  I decided to join the trend myself because I wanted to see if it made a difference in how I felt and if I could lose weight by abstaining from alcohol alone.  Let me stop there and say that I don't think I have an alcohol problem, but my husband and I do enjoy drinking wine, and for us it had begun creeping beyond a weekend indulgence and into a regular weeknight habit.  Not every night, but several nights for sure.

Abstaining from alcohol has not been that hard, so far.  My husband pledged to give up the weeknight  (M-Th) wine, so that has not been an issue at all.  We've been out in social settings several times in the last few weeks where everyone else was drinking wine, beer or liquor, but I was not really tempted and everyone seemed to understand what I was doing and no one tried to persuade me to "have just one drink, it won't hurt."  And, bonus for my husband, he has a designated driver and we're saving tons of money by not using Uber or Lyft.

What I have noticed so far is a very subtle change in my appearance.  I have not had any significant weight loss, only 6 lbs, but my face looks less puffy and my body feels less inflamed.  I think, based on what I have read and researched, that this reduction in puffiness and inflammation is directly related to abstaining from alcohol. I've also noticed that my back is not quite as achy in the morning as it had been for most of last year.  It still hurts all day, every day, but some of the intensity, and importantly the radiating pain, is diminished.  Again, I think that might be due to a reduction in inflammation. Now that I've upped the ante by eliminating flour and between meal snacking, maybe I will see some more significant weight loss and even more improvement in my chronic back pain.

How about you?  What do you notice as the first sign of change when you're watching your diet?

Meal Plan Monday week of Feb. 3

Last week I did well sticking to my meal plan.  I made a few tweaks here and there, for example I had more leftover ground turkey from taco night than I expected, so I ate that for lunch the next day. I decided to keep this week’s plan pretty close to last week’s plan because it worked well, was easy to follow, and allowed for enough variation.

Friday Feature: Weekend Plans

We have another full weekend ahead, and of course most of it revolves around food!  In the past when I’ve tried to lose weight, no matter how well and on point I’ve been during the week, the weekends often derail me.  I’m resolved and committed to not let that happen this weekend.  

In the few video messages sent by Susan Thompson, I’ve gleaned a few strategies for coping in social settings that revolve around food.  For example, eating before leaving, perusing the restaurant menu ahead of time to determine if you can make something work, and taking food and/or drinks to a party that fit within the meal plan.  In extreme situations, SPT also encourages the use of an emergency action plan (“EAP”).  Some of her ideas that I might try to employ include: (1) finding a quiet corner or a locked bathroom to meditate and re-set an intention. She suggests that even 2-3 minutes of deep breathing is enough to help the brain re-focus and re-set. (2) engaging in service.  By this she means something as simple as helping the host with a chore or some other task that will serve as a distraction, and finally, (3) she mentions simply talking about the struggle with someone, preferably someone who is also trying to lose weight.  That social connection or commiseration may be just the ticket to get through a depletion in willpower stores.

Here are our plans for the weekend, some of which may require the EAP:

We’re playing cards with friends on Friday night. I’m taking a cheese and veggie tray (no crackers). Saturday morning I’m scheduled to attend a Vinyasa yoga class (no food there!), and that night we have dinner plans with my husband’s investment club (lots of food and wine at a fancy restaurant, HELP!)

Super-Sunday we have brunch plans (more food) with family to celebrate my MIL’s birthday, and then we are having friends over to watch the Super Bowl (more food!) I've planned a menu that incorporates mostly things that I can eat.  I can't control what others are bringing, but those are "not my food!"  I’d like to sneak in a yoga class on Sunday morning, but the timing doesn’t work with the brunch plans. I will try to make it work, but it will be a last minute decision.

Tell me what you have planned for this weekend.  What strategies will you employ for not overeating?

Throwback Thursday: Wait, What… Why?

Several years ago (March of 2014), my place of employment engaged in an institution-wide exercise of creating a “Why Statement.”  The City Manager at the time had everyone read a book by Simon Sinek called Start with Why. He then asked a group of us to come up with a statement utilizing input from a cross-section of employees in our organization. A “Why Statement” is not a mission statement or a goal statement or a list of common strategies, it is a statement that, according to Sinek, encompasses “a single purpose, cause or belief that serves as the unifying, driving and inspiring force for any individual or organization.”  It’s the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning and keeps you going. Sinek argues that having a “Why” is the only way to maintain lasting success and to be open to innovative ideas and to be flexible.

Sinek, like Susan Peirce Thompson (“SPT”), uses behavioral science to support his analysis. He teaches that the neocortex portion of our brains is where rational and analytical thought process comes from.  A human’s capacity for language and communication skills is nestled in the neocortex.  Sinek says that it’s easy for us to articulate “what” we do because it is associated with the neocortex, but articulating “why” we do something is difficult because it comes from a place in our brains, the limbic brain, which has no capacity for language.  The limbic brain is where gut feelings come from.  It is responsible for that feeling we get when we know instinctively whether something is right or wrong, but can’t explain why we think so. “WHY” reaches the limbic brain, the part of your brain responsible for feelings such as trust and loyalty.  The limbic brain is what makes you feel warm and fuzzy, and it is also responsible for behavior and decision making, but it’s difficult to articulate.

After much consternation (and way too many meetings), we came up with the following “Why Statement”:

“We believe a strong community embraces diversity, promotes innovation, and encourages collaboration.  We strive to lead by example within the region. We do this because we want everyone to choose Troy as their community for life. We believe in doing government the best.”[1]

So, two weeks into this BLE program I’ve been thinking about and people have been asking me “why” I’m doing this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Wait, what… you don’t eat sugar, like no sugar at all? But you LOVE chocolate.”  Or “Wait, what… you don’t drink alcohol anymore?  What happened?  Did you pick up DUI?” Sure, I can tick off any number of reasons I’m doing this:

To be healthy

Hopefully to live longer

To see if my back will improve

To have more energy

To have a better overall mood

To look good in clothes

To wear a bathing suit without covering up

So I don’t cringe when I see myself in photographs

These are all fine reasons to lose weight, but they’re not really a “reason to get out of bed every morning.” And I’m not sure these reasons will sustain me when the going eventually gets tough or when I (*hopefully*) get to a maintenance phase. These reasons don’t really define a purpose, cause or belief. I write this entry not because I’m faltering or planning to give up, I’m still 100% all in, but I think it’s important to explore the why behind my desire to lose weight. I haven't quite made it there yet, so I'm asking you...

What is your why? How do you answer the question, “Wait, what… why?” 

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[1] Understandably, the City’s administrative leaders and Council abandoned the City’s “Why Statement” last year after the city manager was ousted in utter disgrace for assaulting his girlfriend and then convicted of federal charges for soliciting bribes. I think I was the ONLY person in the building who was somewhat sad to see the Why Statement eviscerated, not because of any loyalty or allegiance to the former city manager (obviously), but having been part of the team invested in finalizing the Why Statement, I was kind of attached to it.  But I digress…