From "super-sized" to "right-sized"

I've been struggling with what my final goal weight should be. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about that and continue to set mini-goals, but I am still obsessing about this issue.  I know I need to lose a lot of weight, but how much?  Susan Thompson talks about how this BLE program helps you find your "right-size" body, and I've interpreted that to mean helping you get down to a goal weight.  But I don't know what that number should be. Right now I identify as "super-sized," not right-sized at all.

I know that Body Mass Index ("BMI") is one way to help find an ideal weight, but BMI is mostly a number used to assess body fat which helps doctors assess a person's risk for other deadly diseases.  When I started BLE a few weeks ago, my BMI was flirting with the obese label on the chart below. Yes that's embarrassing to write and admit. I've lowered my BMI by more than 2 points, but it's still not in the normal range, yet.

When you plug in the weight that corresponds to the 18.5-24.9 BMI normal range for a 5'2" person like me, there's a differential of 35 pounds, which means my BMI would be considered normal anywhere from 101-136 lbs.  That's a huge range, right?!? Which leads me to my dilemma.

It is completely unrealistic for me to set a goal weight of 101 lbs, it just is. This program isn't just about getting to a goal weight, it's about maintaining it, too.  To think that I could maintain a weight of 101 lbs is just silly, in my opinion. At the other end of the spectrum, a goal weight of 136 lbs, while completely attainable, still does not seem "right-sized" to me. I've been lower than 136 lbs within the last 5 years, and I still didn't feel right in my body. I've even been as low as 125 lbs within the last 5 years, and while I felt thin, it didn't feel "right" either.  So that leaves me with a goal weight "range" of 102-124 lbs. I guess, if I split the difference, my goal weight should be 113 lbs, but I'm superstitious, so that isn't a good number for me...

As I said above, I probably shouldn't obsess about the end number at this point because it's still so far away I can't even see it in the distance.   I should focus on the bright lines, each and every day, and be content with the small victories and triumphs that I'm earning every day.

Do you obsess about the number on your scale? Do you feel "right-sized?"